


Twelve to Twelve

by yeysal



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: AU, Age-Appropriate Drinking, Aged-Up Character(s), Bill is a law student/potential lawyer, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Dipper is invited to go day drinking with them, Human Bill Cipher, Human Will Cipher, LOTS OF ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION, Lots of it, M/M, Will is visiting from out of town, alcohol consumption, fun ensues, this is basically one big long drunk joyride, ugh I don't know just read it if you want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 15:52:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5254142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeysal/pseuds/yeysal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was supposed to be ‘day drinking.’ Where they go out at noon and just walk around town…drinking. Dipper’s day with Bill and his brother, Will started at noon…and ended at twelve in the morning. A lot can happen in twelve hours…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twelve to Twelve

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Taurine (Elentori)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elentori/gifts).



> This is based loosely off of a chat I overheard briefly in Elentori's livestream where she drew an amazing six-armed frat boy Bill. It got my inspiration going and I wrote this one-shot. So...thanks for the inspiration, Ele!
> 
> I got the idea for Bill as a lawyer, Will as a pre-med student, and Dipper as a writer from her tags on the aforementioned picture. 
> 
> Side note: I work in the legal field so if Bill was going had to choose a "human career," I imagine a lawyer would be on his list if not his first choice! 
> 
> Warning: There is A LOT of age-appropriate alcohol consumption depicted in this work. 
> 
> If that squicks you, please do not read. All of the characters are of legal age and old enough to get into bars.

Dipper threw another returned book onto his pile. Fridays were always busy for some reason and Dipper was starting to dread it. Being the only library in town, the place was always bustling with students and civilians alike. The only catch was that they were the only library in the state that was closed on the weekends so it was pretty packed with people trying to make last minute returns or pick-ups. 

Dipper had been working here for three years ever since he obtained his Masters and he appreciated the job for its simple duties while he attempted to write some of his novels. The first year went by fantastically as he had pumped out one novel and was still in the middle of finding a publisher while worked on his second.

Then during his second year working at the library, he met Bill Cipher.

The rambunctious blonde had come into the library one day and as soon as his eyes landed on Dipper, he smirked and winked at him every day he walked in. After a month, the blonde finally started talking to him. 

After two months, they officially introduced themselves and exchanged contact information. After six months, they started to hang out in the library with the excuse that Bill would assist Dipper in his research for his novel ideas. 

Gradually, and much to Dipper’s amusement, the two became friends. Even though Dipper could say that 80% of his frustrations and hindrances stemmed from Bill’s actions, he had to admit that he had fun memories of conversing with him when he would come to the library.

Then Bill invited him to a party…and needless to say, Dipper’s social anxiety was not ready for _that._ Bill had some really weird friends, most of them looked like criminals and Dipper wasn’t exactly comfortable with the party scene. After getting embarrassingly tipsy, he resolved that he would not attend one of Bill’s parties ever again.

Bill’s unapologetic attitude towards the whole experience put a slight strain on their friendship and Dipper was a little disappointed. Though his friend seemed upset that Dipper didn’t have fun, Bill shrugged it off with a ‘if you didn’t want to stay you could have left.’ 

Dipper quickly turned his attention to loud clacking sound of the door opening and was less than excited to see Bill walking through the corridor. Dipper sighed and turned away so the blonde wouldn’t see him. 

Unfortunately for Dipper, he was not so transparent.

“Sooooo, Pine Tree,” Bill leaned his back over the intake counter with a wide grin, “My brother is gonna be in town for the weekend and we’re going day drinking tomorrow…you want in?” 

Dipper clicked his pen as he thought this over, “Day drinking?”

Bill turned to face Dipper, “Yes,” he deadpanned, “It’s where you go out when there’s still daylight and you drink copious amounts of alcohol…while taking in the sights!” 

Dipper quirked an eyebrow, “It sounds better than that party you invited me to last month.” 

“Aww, what was wrong with that? That was a ton of fun!”

Dipper shook his head, “I’m still cleaning glitter off my backpack, Bill.”

“Good luck with that,” Bill whipped his phone out and appeared to scroll through something, “You really can’t hold your liquor, kid!” Bill presented his phone to Dipper with a chuckle. 

Dipper looked up at that super embarrassing photo of him at the aforementioned party, “Dude! Delete that!” He scrambled across the counter to grab Bill’s phone.

Bill laughed and backed away, running into a person who was walking past, “Oh! My bad…” Someone in the background of the library ‘shushed’ loudly and Bill smiled as he ‘quietly’ tiptoed back to the counter and whispered, “Don’t worry, Pine Tree, it didn’t get shared with _most_ of my friends.”

Dipper groaned and put his head in his hands, “Bill, you asshole…”

“Yeah, I’m not sorry,” Bill reached over and poked at Dipper’s head, “Come on, Pine Tree, it’s just gonna me and my brother. And I can’t stand hanging out with the guy by myself.” 

“That’s sweet, Bill,” Dipper scoffed and went back to inventorying the returned books, “Why don’t you ask your other friends?”

“Because I want you to come with,” Bill followed the counter around so that he wouldn’t have to shout, “It’ll just be a little day drinking, I promise.” 

Dipper sighed, “I don’t know, man,” he stacked a few books in one pile, “I really wanted to get some writing done tomorrow. My inspiration bug bit me and all I’ve wanted to do was write but since I took on extra shifts here I hardly ever have time now.” 

Bill rolled his eyes, “Think of this as a way to get better material for your stuff, then,” he pocketed his phone and leaned closer, “Come on, I’d be willing to do you a favor at this point,” he snapped his fingers as he came up with an idea, “I could help you with your research on that story you were telling me about a few weeks ago! I know more about the psychology behind serial killers than I care to admit, what do you say?” 

Dipper glared. He hated it when Bill started bargaining to get him to take part in things. That was how last month’s party happened, Dipper shuddered at the thought. Thankfully for him and unfortunately for Bill, Dipper’s inspiration for his serial killer story died out completely. So Dipper shrugged, “Don’t need help with that,” he smiled when a look of shock crossed Bill’s face, “Guess you’re stuck.” 

Bill sighed and collapsed on the counter, “Fine, leave me to the wolf,” he turned back and started walking around the counter again, “Have fun being a stick in the mud.”

If Bill didn’t look so genuinely upset that Dipper declined the offer, Dipper might have had a snarky retort at those words. But Bill’s salty demeanor betrayed him and instead of coming off like a douche, he sounded like he had to force the words out. Dipper groaned internally as he watched the other man walk dejectedly out the door to the library. 

Dipper immediately took out his phone and hastily sent a text message:

 

To: Asshole

I’ll go…but on one condition. It’s JUST “day” drinking and I get to be home by 5 PM!

 

Dipper threw his phone on the counter and waited for a response. When none came, he pocketed his phone while getting back to work. He had a slight amount of regret at suddenly changing his mind but he figured if Bill didn’t respond, he would be off the hook.

Two hours later, as soon as his shift ended, Dipper’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He looked at the screen to see: 

 

From: Asshole

:) :) :) :) :)

 

Dipper shook his head with a small chuckle as he headed back to his apartment. Eh, it was just an afternoon of day drinking.

What could go wrong?

* * *

Dipper hated himself for showing up to the restaurant half an hour early. Now he was sitting by himself at a large table with a bunch of loud tourists eating and chatting around him. He kept checking his phone for any sign that Bill and his brother were on their way but all he saw was the blank background of his phone. 

He sighed as he opened his messages to send Bill a text:

 

To: Asshole

Hey I’m here. Where r u?

 

Almost immediately Bill responded:

 

From: Asshole

We’re meeting for 12…it’s 11:34…why r u there so early??

 

Dipper sighed and texted back:

 

To: Asshole

This place is packed! You’re lucky I was able to get a table! So you’re welcome!

 

From: Asshole

Guess I owe you a drink for that ;)

 

Dipper blushed furiously and clicked out of his messages. When the server came over with his water he put in an order for a bottle of champagne and a pitcher of orange juice. 

No harm in getting ready. 

Fifteen minutes later, Bill walked in with his brother in two, “Well, well, well,” Bill already looked like he was slightly inebriated, “Already drinking I see?” 

Dipper shoved a few menus their way and gave them each an empty glass, “You make your own mimosas here,” he poured some champagne in each their glasses, “And I’ve already had two.”

“Oh ho! Nice!” Bill pulled a chair out for the timid and annoyed looking man behind him, “Sit.” He cleared his throat as his brother sat beside him, “Pine Tree, this is Will, Will, this is Pine Tree.” 

Will looked like an exact replica of his brother save for the blue eyes and slightly paler complexion. He also had a calmer demeanor… 

Dipper extended his hand for a shake, “You’re both named William? What’s the deal with that…?” 

Bill shrugged carelessly, “Mom didn’t know she was having twins until the day of,” he elbowed Will in the shoulder, “She’s just not the creative type.” 

Will rolled his eyes, “It’s nice to meet you, uh, I have a feeling ‘Pine Tree’ isn’t your real name, right?” His tone was a lot softer than his brother’s. 

“No, it’s a nickname this asshole bestowed upon me,” he paused to put in his brunch order with the server and after the other two put in their own, he continued, “Anyway, yeah, I wore a hat with a pine tree symbol to work one day and he hasn’t let it go since. My real name is Dipper.”  
  
“No, it’s not,” Bill interjected, “I _will_ find out your real name eventually, Pine Tree.” 

Will sighed and leaned his elbows on the table, “Okay, so what’s the plan for today…just drinking and touring?” He looked at his brother suspiciously, “Sounds pretty tame for you.” 

Bill flicked a small container of jelly at Dipper, “Pretty much,” he looked around the restaurant, “Looks like that’s everyone’s plan…for the most part.”

Dipper threw the jelly back at Bill before he turned to Will, “So what brings you here, Will?” 

Will blinked and rolled his shoulders, “Just taking a break from school. I haven’t seen my brother in six months so I thought I’d spend the weekend.” 

Bill leaned on his brother’s shoulder ‘affectionately,’ “It’s because he misses me so much.” 

Will shouldered Bill’s cheek, “Yeah, like a migraine.” 

Dipper laughed and leaned back in his chair, “I’m sorry,” he quickly tossed another jelly container in Bill’s direction, “Bill, what did you have mind after brunch?” He laughed when the container hit Bill straight in the face. 

Bill threw the jelly back in the basket and tapped his fingers on the table, “I thought we’d stop at that little pharaoh themed bar before going into town,” he pointed at Dipper, “You know that silly little shop on the stupid world conspiracies? I wanna take Will there.” 

Dipper nodded and took in Will’s curious face, “It’s a shop where they cater to all the conspiracy theories around the world. It’s more like a mystery museum than a gift shop.” 

Will’s eyes widened as he nodded, “Oh…” he didn’t sound too impressed, “Sounds fun.” 

Bill snorted, “That’s _why_ we’re drinking. This town is ridiculously lame.” 

Dipper kicked at Bill’s legs, “Shut up, Bill.” 

Their food eventually came and by the time they finished eating, they had built up a considerable amount of tipsiness after the server walked away with the now emptied third bottle of champagne. 

Bill lazily took out his wallet, “Brunch is on me,” he announced loudly as he slapped a few bills on the table, “Let’s go.” He smacked his brother on the back as the three of them made their way out the crowded restaurant. 

Once they were outside, Bill opened his arms, “Ah, freedom,” he folded his arms over his head, “Nothing like nice, open air after that mess. Those hash browns were like eating clouds from heaven, though…” 

Dipper had to agree. Though the alcohol helped his social anxiety considerably, it was still nice to be outside in the cool, clear air. He felt a slight buzz from the champagne and didn’t feel as heavy earlier. Hanging out with Bill and Will wasn’t looking too bad at this point. He checked his phone and was surprised to see that it was only two in the afternoon. He only had three hours to go before he could excuse himself…not bad. 

Bill grabbed Dipper’s shoulder as they walked, “So, Will just started working for this doctor where he lives and based on what I’ve heard, it sounds a lot like Grey’s Anatomy…which is both amusing and terrible.” 

Will elbowed Bill in the chest, “Shut up, you asshole! I told you it’s not like that.” 

“Uh-oh…someone needs more alcohol,” Bill pointed across the street, “No fear…the bar is right there!” 

Dipper was feeling too tipsy to care about Bill’s gossip but he followed them in the direction of the bar, “I don’t think I’ve ever been to this place."

Bill gave Dipper a confused look that quickly turned to amusement, “Uh…yeah you have, you just don’t remember!” 

Will laughed, “Wow. Nice.” 

Dipper’s face went red and shoved Bill away, “Dammit, Bill…this is why we don’t hang out!” Because of the alcohol, his anger felt forced and didn’t come out as intimidating as he wanted it to. He did, however, notice the warning look that Will directed at his brother.

This only made Bill more amenable to teasing Dipper and he winked at Will, “Too late for that!” He stopped in front of the door to the bar and peered inside, “Oh sweet! It’s not too packed!” He pulled the door open and shoved Will and Dipper inside, “Heeeey, Susan!” 

Dipper stumbled in not too gracefully and fell against the bar. Despite it only being around noon the bar was blasting really loud rock music. If Dipper didn’t know any better he would have assumed night had fallen. There were very few patrons inside, most of them looked like they belonged in a biker’s bar. 

Susan, the bartender, regarded Dipper with slight amusement before turning to Bill, “Starting the day early, I see,” she gave Bill a scathing look, “You better not let him try to sing karaoke again. You nearly cost me my business that night.” 

Dipper groaned as he leaned against the bar as Bill and Susan had a small chat. Dipper could literally feel the bass of the music through the floorboards. He could barely hear his own thoughts much less hear Will trying to talk next to him. The brunette glanced up and saw Will looking at him expectantly. He had to yell over the music, “Sorry, did you say something?” 

Will leaned closer to where he was right next to Dipper’s ear, “I said, ‘How long have you known my brother?’”

“Oh…uh,” Dipper shrugged, “I don’t know, about two years I guess…” Dipper hated trying to hold a conversation over loud music. There was just too much to focus on… 

Will nodded and turned back to Bill who had just accepted three jello shots from Susan, “Alright, who wants the orange one? I don’t like orange…” 

Will took the orange shot from his brother and handed Dipper the green one, “How many of these did you order?” 

Bill shook his head, “Just this round,” he gestured to a flyer behind Dipper’s head, “Hey, Pine Tree, grab that for me, will ya?” 

Dipper reached around and grabbed the flyer, handing it to Bill. 

Bill smiled as he fanned the paper out to read it, Oh! There’s a drag show tonight at 10!” He showed the flyer to Will with an encouraging smile. 

Will looked over the paper and quirked an eyebrow, “But is it a drag king or drag queen show? Or both?” 

A man who had been listening in their conversation leaned in with a wide grin, “It’s both.” 

Bill gave said stranger a reaffirming pat on the shoulder, “Fuckin’ right.” 

Will nodded approvingly, “This is good.” 

Dipper shook his head, “Bill…you agreed I can be home by 5…” 

Bill looked at Dipper and shrugged, “That’s fine…you’ll just miss out.” 

Will grinned and winked at Dipper, “At this rate we’ll be lucky if we don’t pass out by 5.” 

“Losers, the both of you,” Bill threw back his jello shot and tossed the small cup into the trash can behind Dipper. 

Will scrunched his nose at his now empty container, “Ugh…this one was gross, why did you get orange?” He threw his container away. 

Bill smirked, “That was all they had besides the green and blue.” 

Dipper finished off his own, thankful for the sweet, cool taste of blueberry vodka. He tossed his empty container away, “What now? Are we hanging here for while?” 

Bill looked up in thought before he glanced at his brother, “Mystery museum?” 

Will nodded, “I guess we can sober up that way.”

As they walked out the bar, Dipper tripped on something in the sidewalk and he nearly fell trying to catch himself. “The hell?!” He ran into the wall and took a seat as he looked for the culprit. 

Will rushed over to Dipper, “Hey, you okay? What’d you trip on?” 

Bill, laughing his ass off, pointed to the star that was carved out on the sidewalk, “He tripped on a star!” 

Sure enough, there was a star carved right into the pavement. Dipper shook his head at the randomness of it. The people in this town were artsy in a sometimes-annoying way. He shrugged it off and stood up, “Whatever, let’s go.” 

Bill was taking a picture of said star, “Hang on!” After taking a shot he ran back over to Dipper, throwing his arm around his shoulders and showing him the picture, “There’s your star!”

Dipper shook his head, “You can have it,” the momentum of Bill’s weight against him made him sway and he grabbed Bill’s arm to balance himself, “Dude, you’re gonna make me fall…” 

Bill cackled as he moved away from Dipper and over to Will, “Look, it’s my star.” 

Will nodded without looking at the phone, “We just saw it.” 

* * *

By the time they reached the Mystery Museum, the three of them were slightly more sober and it was already 3:30 in the afternoon. Dipper was starting to care less and less about being home for 5 at this point. As they browsed through the strange oddities that the world alleged to contain, Dipper had more time alone with his thoughts. 

He was not blithe to admit that he was actually having fun despite himself. Bill’s brother seemed nice enough anyway. Dipper found that they balanced each other out kind of like he and his own sister did. Bill was chaotic where Will was more peaceful. 

Will seemed to be enjoying himself. Dipper watched as the two caught up while walking through the exhibits of the museum. Dipper considered this the most interesting part of their day. As he observed the two brothers, he saw Bill’s expressions go from soft, blank, and joyful in a matter of minutes as he and his brother talked. It was probably the quietest Dipper had ever been when hanging out with Bill and he was interested in his demeanor. 

Around his brother, Bill seemed more exposed. Like he couldn’t hide the person that Dipper knew for two years. Dipper felt like he had been invited into a more personal look at Bill’s personality and, quite honestly, Dipper was a little intimidated by it.

His thoughts were interrupted when Will pulled Dipper back into the conversation as Bill walked further ahead, “So what do you do for a living, erm…Pine Tree?” He laughed and shook his head, “I’m sorry…I’m just going to default to that name if you don’t mind.” 

Dipper waved him off, “I don’t really care anymore,” he ran his hand through his hair, “Uh…I work in the library…it’s not that epic.” 

Will hummed, “Are you in school?” 

Dipper shook his head, “Got my Masters not too long ago…the library job is to help pay the bills…I spend the free time writing…” 

“Ah, is that how you met my brother?” 

Dipper nodded, “He came to the library for a few weeks during the evening before he started talking to me,” he found his speech was getting better now that he was sobering up, “Invited me to his first party a month ago and…yeah, I’d rather not talk about that.” 

Will looked over at his brother who was currently in the gift shop, “You know that Bill just took the Bar Exam, right?” 

Whoa. “Wait, what?” Dipper shook his head. Bill…took the Bar Exam…? To become an _actual_ lawyer? Is that why he was always in the library? 

Oh god. 

Will laughed, “Yeah, he’s been crazy stressed about it, I’m surprised he didn’t tell you…” he patted Dipper’s shoulder, “Actually, now that I think about it, I don’t think he told anyone, really…” 

Dipper was still reeling from this new information, “I didn’t even know he went to law school…I mean…wow.” 

Bill walked over and glared at Will, “Dammit, Will, seriously!?” 

Will held up his hands defensively, “We were just talking about it earlier. He might have heard our conversation!” 

Bill groaned, “Results don’t come in for another three months, you idiot,” he smacked Will upside the head, “What if I wanted to surprise my friends?” 

Will shook his head and backed away, “Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” he looked at Dipper, “I didn’t think you’d mind him knowing. Especially considering…” He paused when Bill warningly pointed at him, “Okay, never mind.” 

Dipper looked between the two before glancing at Bill, “Why didn’t you want anyone to know you took the Bar Exam?” 

Bill rolled his eyes, “Because how _fun_ is prepping for a bar exam, Pine Tree? 

Dipper frowned, “Seriously…why didn’t you want anyone to know? That’s weird.”

Bill ignored him and headed straight for the exit, “I think it’s time for margaritas.” 

Will laughed and gave Dipper a reassuring pat on the shoulder, “Don’t worry, he’s like this with me sometimes, too. You literally have to tickle the answer out of him.” 

Dipper quirked an eyebrow, “Tickle?” 

They made it to the next bar which was nestled between a few knick-knack shops and restaurants. As they ordered their round of margaritas, Will took out his wallet, “My turn to cover,” he looked at Dipper, “You cover the next round…wherever that may be.” 

Dipper nodded and checked his phone. It was 5:30…He sighed when he rationed that it would be courteous to stick with them long enough to pay for a round of drinks. He didn’t think he’d get much writing done in this state anyway.

Bill scrunched up his nose as he finished his drink, “I don’t like this bar. It’s too quiet in here…” he grabbed his brother’s arm and Dipper’s shirt, “Come on, there’s a small bookshop Pine Tree would like. Will, you might like it, too.” 

Dipper downed the rest of his drink and followed, feeling a little woozy with the reintroduction of more liquor, “A bookshop…? I never saw a bookshop down here…”

Bill laughed, “It’s because you don’t know where to look.” 

Sure enough, amongst the knick-knack shops was a tiny hole in the wall shop with a small and simple white door. When Bill pulled the old door open with a loud creak, Dipper peered over the blonde’s shoulder in awe.

It was as quiet as a library and the old woman who sat up front regarded the three of them with a small smile and a welcome. Dipper closed his eyes as he took in the smell of old pages. He really wanted to enjoy this sober. He reminded himself to come back down here on another off day. 

Some of the books were recently published but others looked like vintage pieces from the early seventies and Dipper grabbed a few off the shelf to sniff at the yellowed pages. 

It felt like they had been there only five minutes by the time Bill walked past Dipper with an adamant expression, “Let’s go, Pine Tree.” He grabbed Dipper by the arm and led him out where Will was waiting on the sidewalk, “Gelato.” 

Will took out his phone as Bill joined him on the sidewalk with Dipper in tow, “There’s a gelateria a few blocks that way,” he gestured down the street, “It looks like they have a small terrace.” 

“Sounds awesome,” Bill shook Dipper’s arm as the brunette leaned against his shoulder, “You holdin’ up?” He chuckled when Dipper righted himself, “Yeah you could use some nice, cool gelato. Come on.” 

And they started walking again. Dipper was thankful as the exercise was helping him walk off his tipsiness. Some gelato would do him good.

The gelateria was small and empty despite the massive crowds shopping in the flea market nearby. As the three put in their orders, Dipper handed the cashier his money to cover them. 

Bill rested his chin on Dipper’s shoulder, “You know you still have to cover our next round of drinks, right?” He smiled teasingly. 

Dipper shrugged, “Yeah, I know, you covered brunch and jello shots so this is my thanks.” 

When the server gave Will his cup of gelato, he gestured out towards the terrace, “I’m gonna go grab a table.”

Bill grabbed his own cup and followed, “Coming!” 

Dipper wasn’t too far behind and when he grabbed his cup, he made his way out to the terrace as well. The scenery was nice enough. It was clear that the building behind the gelateria were a series of apartments that holed the terrace nicely and quietly between the bustling streets. 

And since it was just the three of them, it made for even better conversation. 

Bill used the quiet to smirk at his brother, “So tell us more about this doctor you started working for.” 

Will rolled his eyes, “Oh my god, will you ever shut up about it?” 

Bill poked him with his little spoon, “No. Fess. You owe me for telling Pine Tree about the bar.” 

Will shook his head, “Dammit. Fine.”

Dipper leaned in to hear more about this doctor story.

Will sighed heavily, “I didn’t realize the practice was actually his until I started working there. The long of the short of it was that after my last series of finals for Pre-Med, I went out and got wasted at a couple of bars with some of my classmates and let’s just say that it ended with me waking up in someone else’s bed and doing the walk of shame back to my apartment.” 

Bill scoffed, “Walk of shame…preposterous.” 

Will nudged Bill with his elbow, “I know. Sometimes I’m a little ashamed for even letting myself walk out my house.” He cleared his throat as a small blush crossed his face, “Anyway, a few weeks prior I had put in some applications at various practices to start getting exposure in the field and, luckily, the first place I interviewed at hired me. Come to find out…on my first day…I met my boss. The one-night stand.” 

Dipper’s eyes widened, “Are you kidding?”

Will shook his head, “I wish I was.”

Bill had a wide smile on his face, “That is perfect.” 

Will shook his head, “You mispronounced terrible.”

Dipper shook his head and leaned over the table, “So did he recognize you?”

“Oh yeah,” Will rested his chin in his palm, “Now we’re in a very complicated situation.” 

Bill rolled his eyes, “You say complicated and I say interesting.” 

Will groaned, “You would. This is why I don’t ask you for advice.” 

“Which is stupid because my advice is gold.”

Dipper shoved his now empty cup away, “So are you two still…doing stuff together.” 

Will’s expression became pained and he covered his eyes and mumbled, “Yes…”

Dipper leaned back and looked at Bill, "Wow...you weren't lying when you said it was like Grey's Anatomy..." 

Bill excitedly elbowed his brother, “I’m so proud of you.” 

“This is ethically horrible, Bill,” Will covered his face with his other hand, “Ugh, I don’t know what to do."

Dipper edged closer, “Well, is he married or something?” 

Will shook his head, “No, it’s just that his practice just kicked off and we’re in a very small, conservative town. I’m sure you realize what that means.” 

Dipper groaned, “Yeesh, that’s fucked up…”

“Ethically horrible, my ass,” Bill tapped the table, “I’ve seen worse.” 

Will laughed, “You’re going to be a criminal defense attorney, of course you’ve seen worse.” 

Dipper looked over at Bill, “Criminal defense? That’s what you’re going to specialize in?” 

Bill nodded with a small grin, “Hopefully. I’ve been working in a criminal defense firm for six years now so I know a thing or two.” 

Dipper shook his head, “I should have known that was your specialty.” 

“Criminal defense?" 

“No, that you were a law student.”

Bill chuckled, “Why so?” 

“Because you’re fucking crazy.”

Will and Bill both started laughing. Will nodded and pointed in Dipper’s direction as he nudged Bill, “I like him.”

They sat around chatting for another hour and Bill yawned as the evening fell, “Guys, I’m getting hungry for some real food. And I think I finally sobered up enough for another round of drinks.” 

Will hummed, “Where do you want to eat?” 

Dipper realized that this would be his chance pay for the next round, “There’s a bar that serves food not too far from here.” 

Bill squinted, “You mean that Lebanese place? That’s a BYOB type deal…pass.”

Dipper shook his head, “No, it’s not like that,” he snapped his fingers as he tried to remember, “It’s…it’s like a blend of Mexican and German…”

Will laughed, “Wow…sounds like a restaurant you need to be drunk to enjoy.”

Bill nodded and stood up, “Sounds weird. Let’s do it.”

Dipper pulled out his phone and searched for the place, “It’s five blocks that way,” he gestured north, “Based on their site, they’re having an indie concert in about fifteen minutes.”

“Boo.” Bill drawled out as he threw his arm around Dipper’s shoulders, “Take me to the German-Mexican luxuries.”

Dipper brought his hand up to grip Bill’s arm in an effort to support both their weights, “Ask and you shall receive.”

* * *

It was a bar. It was restaurant. It was a restaurant that was trying to be a bar. It was a bar that was trying to be a restaurant. Will hit the nail on the head when he said it was essentially take-out with sadness in a bottle. 

There were barely any tables to sit at but they found a few tiny chairs and a small foldable in the corner. Dipper ruffled Bill’s hair as he walked up to the counter and perused over the menu, “Hmm…I’d like to order two schnitzel burritos and three margaritas.” 

Bill leaned over Dipper, resting his chin on his shoulder, “Hey…” 

Dipper was a bit surprised, “Uh…hey.” 

Bill pointed to Dipper’s watch, “It’s way after 5 you know.” 

Dipper nodded, “I know.” 

“Thought you wanted to be home by 5.”

Dipper shrugged, “Things change.”

Bill smiled and nuzzled Dipper’s shoulder, “Shouldn’t be too much longer, Will seems to be getting a bit tired.” 

Dipper nodded, “Sounds good.” 

The food was ready in no time at all and when Dipper presented the two brothers with the food, Will looked Dipper skeptically, “You’re not eating?” 

Dipper shook his head, “Not hungry.” 

“It doesn’t matter…you haven’t eaten since brunch…and you’ve had as much to drink as we have. You should eat something…” 

Bill nodded, “I agree with the bro, Pine Tree. He works for a sexy doctor.” he shoved his plate toward Dipper after he had a few bites, “This food is disgusting but you should eat it.” 

Dipper pushed the plate back, “I’m good, thanks.” 

Bill shrugged and took his plate back, “Fine.” 

“So, Dipper,” Will took a sip of water, “What is your real name.” 

Before Dipper could respond, Bill interjected, “He won’t tell anyone. I’ve been trying to get the name out of him for two years and he hasn’t budged.” 

Will looked between the two of them, “So you’ve known each other for two years now?” 

Bill nodded, “I told you I met him at the library while I was studying.” 

Will chuckled, “Well, yeah, but I didn’t think you’d wait this long to…” he paused when Bill shot a very hard glare at him, “Ask him to hang out…” 

Dipper noticed the odd exchange but thought little of it as he looked over at Will, “So are you going to school to be a doctor, too?” 

“Yeah,” Will switched to take a long sip of his margarita, “Since I finished my pre-med, I’m just doing small things in between journal work and obtaining my MD.” 

Bill smirked, “And he wants to marry the doctor.” 

Will sighed and shook his head, “Seriously…” 

Bill raised his hands defensively, “You’re already hitting it so you might as well put a ring on it or…whatever.” 

Will punched Bill in the shoulder, “You’re such an ass.” 

Dipper laughed, “Please, beat him up some more.” 

Bill gawked at Dipper, “How could you say that, Pine Tree?” 

Will poked his brother’s cheek, “Because you deserve it.” 

Bill pouted and finished his burrito, “So mean…” he stretched and craned his neck to see the band playing, “This group sucks.” 

Dipper rubbed his ears as the vocalist screeched out another bridge, “Yeah, kinda hard on the ears.” 

Will downed the rest of his margarita and grabbed his phone, “Bill, I heard there was some kind of bar a few blocks away where people dress up like pirates.” 

“Pirates?” Bill looked over at his brother’s phone, “Why have I not heard about this?” 

Will leaned over and showed him his phone, “See? Every Saturday is pirate night.” 

Bill’s eyes widened, “We have to go. Right now. Let’s go.” He stood up quickly and grabbed the both of them, “How far away is it?” 

Will checked his phone, “Six blocks. You sure it’s worth it?” 

Dipper checked his phone. 9 PM. 

Fuck it. Pirate bar it is.

* * *

Well. There were certainly people dressed like pirates. With the music blaring over the speakers and people all around them, Dipper felt his margarita from earlier settling down pretty nicely. He hardly felt a buzz. 

And then Bill handed him a cup with something purple in it, “Here, on the house.” 

Dipper took a small sip from the cup, “Oh, that’s awesome.” He continued taking more sips until he could no longer feel his throat, “Mm…this is the greatest thing ever.” 

Bill smiled and leaned closer, “Isn’t it? This place is awesome, I had no idea we had a pirate bar.” 

Dipper nodded and allowed Bill to lean on his shoulder, “Where’s your brother?” 

“He’s here,” he blindly reached behind him and grabbed Will’s shoulder, “Hey, stay with us you blue baby.” 

Will looked at the two of them and smiled, “You two are ridiculous. I think you could both use a moment alone.” 

Dipper looked up towards the door, feeling woozy already, “I think I need some fresh air…” 

Bill nodded and led them to the doorway that opened to the sidewalk.

Dipper braced his arm against the doorframe and Bill rested his chin on top of his arm, “This has been a day.” 

Bill smiled as he stared out into the distance, “Are you having fun at least?” 

Dipper nodded, “Yeah, actually…your brother’s pretty cool.” 

Bill grinned, “He’s alright,” he looked up at Dipper’s hand and nipped at it.

Dipper gave him a strange look, “Did you just…bite my hand?” 

Bill blushed and made a sound that sounded like ‘I don’t know.’ “It was there…Pine Tree…I had to…sorry.” His eyes were misty and Dipper could tell the blonde was completely drunk at this point. He put his hand on Bill’s shoulder and led him outside. 

It was much quieter than in the bar. 

Bill leaned his back against the wall and closed his eyes, “This is fun.” 

Dipper steadied himself as he leaned next to Bill, “Yeah…it’s quiet…” He looked over and noticed Bill was now staring at him, “What…?” 

Bill grinned, “You have really pretty eyes.” 

Dipper blushed and laughed, “Okay, thanks,” he took another sip from his purple drink, “So, really, why didn’t you want to tell anyone you took the Bar?” 

Bill’s face fell into a frown and he rubbed at his face, “Pine Treeee don’t ruin this for me.” 

Dipper turned to face him, “Come on, you can tell me. It’s not like I have any friends to tell.” 

Bill looked at Dipper with a pained expression and leaned closer, “You tell anyone and I will flay you,” he put his lips to Dipper’s ear, “I’m honestly afraid of failing.” 

Dipper’s eyebrows creased and he pulled away, “Seriously? That’s all.” 

“Pine Tree you don’t understand! I graduated top of my class in undergrad and law school and I’m really betting on this position at the firm I’m at…if I fail…it’ll all have been for nothing!” 

Dipper offered Bill his drink, “Here.” 

Bill took it without hesitating and as he took a long, long sip, he sighed, “Thanks…” 

Dipper took his drink back and patted Bill on the shoulder, “I hope everything works out.”

Bill smiled, “Me, too,” he leaned his head on the wall, “Honestly if I hear Will say ‘I’m sure you did fine’ one more time I’m going to beat him upside the head and whisk his sexy doctor away.” 

As if on cue, Will came barreling out the bar in a rush of excitement, “Guys, guys, I found some pirates!" He gestured excitedly to the costumed people behind him, "We’re gonna miss that drag show! Oh! Bill, Pine Tree! Let’s go!” He grabbed both their hands and quickly pulled them in the direction of the bar, “It starts in fifteen minutes!” 

Dipper watched as the group of pirate costumers followed them to the bar they went to earlier that day. Bill was surprisingly quiet through the whole walk. At some point, Dipper thought it a good idea to grab the blonde’s hand and gave him a reassuring squeeze. Bill looked surprised but didn’t complain one bit. 

The alcohol was slowly starting to take over Dipper’s head. He recognized the star carved in the pavement as they walked over it. 

The next thing he knew, they were in the old bar and the drag show had already started. A very beautifully dressed drag queen was lip-synching one of the popular songs on the radio and Dipper smiled, “I fucking love this song,” and he started singing along. 

Bill smiled and grabbed Dipper’s waist when the brunette started dancing against him, “Easy, there, I think you might be a little too drunk if you’re starting to dance on me.” 

Dipper nodded, “I think so, too…” 

Will shoved a small shot glass with something amber colored inside, “Here. Last one, promise.” 

Dipper was starting to believe that these Cipher twins didn’t know how to make promises. But he took the shot anyway. 

Everything was a blur after that. 

At some point, he had started bragging about how much chest hair he had. Bill, now drunk out of his own mind, demanded to see this “epitome of manliness” and promptly shoved his face into Dipper’s shirt. 

Will immediately grabbed his brother and apologized on his behalf, “Bill…you really need to stop this. It’s never gonna work out like this.”

Dipper, suddenly interested, tuned in and watched as the two walked away from him. He couldn’t hear what they were saying over the music but based off their body language, Bill looked irritated, as Will appeared to be giving him some kind of lesson. When Dipper moved closer, he heard their muffled conversation. 

“Look, the guy is nice, you should’ve asked him out on a regular kind of date instead of this…this is why your relationships never work out, Bill…it’s too much…” 

Bill strained as he ran his hands through his hair, “I know, I know,” he took another shot off the bar, “I just thought you should meet him first before I decided to go for it…”

“Well, it’s a little too late for you to do anything now. He’s way too fucking trashed to make any kind of decision. We should get him to eat something and then we can go home, okay?” Bill's face fell sadly and Will tapped his cheek, "You're gonna fuck this one up like the last ones...seriously, you waited two years...don't ruin it."

Dipper could only hear bits and pieces over the music but at some point he had pulled Bill away from Will and held a tight grip around the blonde’s shoulders, “Hey…” 

Bill, surprised, looked up at him, “Um…hey…” 

Dipper looked at a very not amused Will and smiled, “I’m actually kind of hungry…” 

Dipper remembered moving from one end of the bar to the other…he remembered walking down the sidewalk…he remembered seeing slices of pizza in a glass case. 

The next thing he knew, he was running out the door and puking on the sidewalk.

* * *

 

In a moment of awareness, Dipper realized he was being assisted down the sidewalk. Every now and then he had to stop to puke in a garbage can but eventually it just turned into dry heaving. He heard Will say something like he should have eaten when he had the chance. 

When he looked over he could see that Bill was helping him walk and Dipper suddenly felt like an idiot. 

How could he let this happen? He never wanted to stay out past 5… 

Dipper tried to speak, “Wha…time…s’it…?” He choked back another dry heave. 

Bill hoisted him up some more, “Like…midnight…I think.”

Dipper groaned and let all his weight drop and he collapsed, “Oh no…” 

Bill grunted and he was taken down with him, “Hey, hey, are you with me, here? What’s wrong?”

Dipper felt his head rushing and he felt tears stinging at his eyes, “I’m such a fucking idiot…” He could feel Bill grabbing his face to lift his head up. 

“Why? Why are you an idiot?” 

As much as Dipper wanted to blame his state on Bill he wasn’t drunk enough to fool himself into that lie. So he mumbled over and over, “I’m so fucking stupid.” 

At some point, Bill sighed and hoisted Dipper up again, “Will is calling a cab, we’ll get you home soon…”

Dipper felt Will take his other arm to help hoist him up, “Where the fuck are we?” 

Bill chuckled, “You don’t remember? We’re on Felicity Street.” 

Dipper was confused, “How the fuck did we get way over here…I thought we were closer to the bar with the drag show…?” 

Will shook his head, “You said you were hungry and the only place open was that pizza place a few blocks over…we tried to get you to eat but as soon as you sat down you ran out the door to puke.” 

Dipper didn’t remember any of this but as they walked he saw a familiar shape carved in the pavement. “Hey, Bill…” he smiled as he pointed, “It’s your star.” Dipper felt a surge from deep in his stomach and he lunged forward to puke some more, “Oh…oh no…” He stared at the mess below him, “Bill…I threw up in your star.” 

Bill laughed and cupped Dipper’s face in his hands, “It’s okay, that’s what it’s there for. It has served its purpose.” 

Dipper was hoisted up once more and they continued walking. When they made it to the curb, Bill looked up at Will, “Is this where the cabbie said they were meeting us?” 

Will nodded, “They should be here any minute…sit him down.” 

Bill guided Dipper to the ground, “Here you go, Pine Tree…take a seat.” 

Dipper groaned and he leaned against Bill as he felt a dizzy fatigue wash over him. He squinted in annoyance when he felt Bill poking his cheek, “Hey, stay awake…don’t fall asleep on me.” 

Dipper heard the noise of a car pulling up and he was once more hoisted up and placed in the backseat. He could hear Will giving the cab driver directions as Bill pulled Dipper into his lap and started running his hands through his hair soothingly. Will at some point turned around and gave Dipper a paper bag, just in case. 

Which was good because Dipper hurled into that bag a few times before they pulled up to his apartment. 

When Bill ushered Dipper out of the cab, Dipper felt like crying at the prospect of doing anything other than sleeping. Every step he took felt heavy and his clothes were starting to make him feel hot. Dipper fished his keys out of his pocket and managed to find the one to his apartment door. 

Bill grabbed the keys after Dipper furiously jammed the key into the actual door. 

As he opened the door, Dipper looked at Bill and grabbed his hand, “Hey…will you stay with me…just in case?” 

Bill’s gaze shifted and he looked back at the cab where his brother was still waiting, “Uh…yeah I can stay with you for a while…” He waved in the direction of his brother and walked inside Dipper’s apartment. 

Dipper then made a beeline for the bathroom and left Bill in the kitchen.

* * *

Dipper was probably in the bathroom for about five minutes when he heard a knocking on the door, “Huh…” 

Bill creaked the door open a bit and held out a glass of water and two pills, “I found these pain relievers,” he set the glass of water down on the sink and put the pills in Dipper’s hand, “Do you need anything else?” He appeared to be on the phone. 

“Stay?” Dipper rubbed his forehead, “I really don’t want to be alone…”

“Okay…” Bill sat down on the floor next to him. He then turned his attention to who he was on the phone with, “What? Oh…” he looked at Dipper, “Will says to drink lots of water.”

Dipper could hear Will’s voice on the other line, “So you’re staying there? Are you sure that’s a good idea?” 

Bill turned away from Dipper, “Well…I think with the state he’s in…” 

“Yeah, you’re right. Just check and make sure he’s breathing if he falls asleep. You never know…get him to eat something as soon as he wakes up.” 

“Right. I’ll keep you updated. Talk to you later.” Bill took the phone from his ear and placed it in his pocket before turning back to Dipper, “You alright?” 

Dipper nodded, “Think so…” 

Bill gave him a wry smile, “I should have made you eat something. Will said that’s probably why you’re so sick.” 

Dipper groaned and leaned back against the wall, “I wouldn’t have listened.” 

“Probably not.” 

Dipper took a long gulp of water and, after looking at the two pain relievers in his hand, downed those as well. “I think I’m good…” 

Bill nodded, “Think you can manage a shower?” 

Dipper shook his head as he moved to stand up, “No…but I can go put some clean clothes…” He stumbled out of the bathroom and turned back to Bill, “Do you want a change of clothes.” 

Bill leaned in the doorway, “I’m fine. Worry about yourself for now.”

Ten minutes later, Dipper came out in his tshirt and pajama shorts as he made his way to the living room. Bill was sitting on the couch staring blankly at the television. He was watching the Food Channel where some really hot blonde woman was making fish filet. 

Dipper plopped down next to the blonde and grabbed a blanket, “I had a lot of fun…despite the puking…” 

Bill smiled, “I’m glad,” he patted Dipper’s shoulder, “I’m sorry I kept you out so late. I know I promised you’d be home earlier.” 

Dipper shook his head, “It’s okay. I could have left if I wanted to.”

Bill hummed, “Yeah but we didn’t make it easy on you.” 

Dipper shrugged, “You’ll just owe me later.” 

Bill chuckled, “I think I owe you a lot.” 

Dipper leaned over to lie down, folding his legs to give Bill space, “I’ll worry about that later.” Before he closed his eyes he glanced over at Bill, “Will you be here in the morning?” 

Bill grabbed Dipper’s legs and placed them in his lap as he rested back against the couch, “If you want me to be here, I’ll be here.” 

Dipper nodded and closed his eyes, “I want you to be here.”

“Okay.” 

Dipper fell asleep to the sound of the recipe of fish filet.

 

* * *

When Dipper woke up on the couch it was to the smell of scrambled eggs and ham.

It was weird because he was pretty sure he owned none of those things. He stretched and craned his neck towards his kitchen. “Bill?” 

“Ah! Dammit! Yeah, I’m in here…attempting at cooking…!” 

Dipper immediately stood up, ignoring the rush and swelling in his head, “Uh…what are you making?” 

Bill, still dressed in his clothes from yesterday, pointed to a plate full of scrambled eggs, “Well, I went down to the convenience store and bought those, scrambled them, and now I’m trying to cook this ham…” 

Dipper looked down and his stomach growled, “Oh my god…that looks amazing.” 

Bill reached over and gave Dipper the pile of eggs on the plate, “Eat up.” 

Dipper took the plate, “Uh…I can’t eat all of this…”

“Well you’re going to,” Bill pointed to a bag of lemons, “You’re also going to drink lemon juice. Will said it’s good for your liver. Cleans it out or some jazz.” 

Dipper nodded and headed for the table, “Okay, doctor. Thanks for breakfast…” 

“My pleasure.” 

When Bill finished with the ham, he brought it over to the table and gave a few slices to Dipper. The two sat in a small silence for a few minutes as Bill looked through the newspaper. 

The events from the night before played through Dipper’s head like a movie. The brunch, being at the first bar, the museum, the bookshop, gelato, and all those moments where he saw a completely different side of Bill that he wasn’t sure existed. 

A lot unfolded in those twelve hours and Dipper couldn’t help but get that last, broken conversation out of his mind. He cleared his throat, “So…I couldn’t help but overhear at the bar…” 

Bill didn’t look up, “Which bar? We went to several.” 

“The drag show,” Dipper panned, “You were talking to Will about making sure he liked me before you…I don’t know…went for it or something.” 

Bill froze, “Are you sure you’re not imagining things?” 

Dipper sighed, “Bill, come on, I may have been super drunk at that point but I remember.”

Bill groaned, “Then you know why I wanted you to come with me to hang out with my brother. This is embarrassing…you should be enjoying your hangover…” 

Dipper shoved his empty plate aside, “Well…I thought about it over the course of the day and I have to say, I thought I knew you pretty well…but you’re a very interesting person, Bill. It’s like what they said in that Shrek movie about the layers.” 

Bill rolled his eyes, “I cannot believe you just compared me to Shrek.” 

Dipper laughed, “I don’t mean it like that! Come on, you know what I’m talking about.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Bill’s face was red with embarrassment, “So what now?” 

Dipper shrugged, “Well, do you want to go on a real date?” 

Bill looked at Dipper, “You can’t be serious.” 

Dipper nodded, “I am. I’d go on a date with you. As long as there’s no alcohol involved…I think I’m gonna go sober for about two months.” 

Bill held Dipper’s gaze for a while and then looked down at the paper, “A-Are you sure? I mean…I’m…I don’t think you realize what you’re getting into here…” 

Dipper sighed, “Look, the point of a date is to get to know each other and clearly, we don’t know each other as well as we thought we did. But you clearly wanted something to happen yesterday…and honestly, I really, really want to get to know you more…you’re not _that_ bad, you know.” 

“That’s debatable.” 

Dipper grabbed Bill’s hand, “Do you want to go on a date with me or not?” 

Bill looked at their hands and slowly laced their fingers, “Promise you won’t puke on me?” 

Dipper paled, “Oh my god did I puke on you?!” 

Bill laughed, “Just kidding! Maybe…” 

Dipper let go of Bill’s hand and smacked his wrist gently, “You asshole…” 

Bill’s laughing ceased and he looked at Dipper with a happy smile, “Yes, I will go on a date with you.” 

Dipper nodded, “Awesome…so...uh, what now?” 

Bill gestured to the kitchen with a snarky grin, “You have a lot of dishes to clean now.”

**Author's Note:**

> See why it's important to stay hydrated with a full belly? Dipper knows now.
> 
> Roughly 75% of the events described in this fic were based on a true story.
> 
> Comments are greatly appreciated! Let me know what you think!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this long, convoluted ride.


End file.
